Self Fulfilling Prophecies

What would you think if I told you that other people’s minds can shape how you behave? That without even having to utter a word, their beliefs about you will alter how you actually show up?

For example, think back to the last time you were interviewed.

What was the interviewer’s non-verbal behaviour like? Did they lean in toward you or lean out? Was their posture open or closed (e.g. arms crossed)? Did they maintain eye contact or look away? Did they nod along when you spoke? Did you hear the occasional affirmation such as “great” or “mmhmm”? Or was there an absence of validating behaviour from the other side?

Now recall how these behaviours affected you. Did they give you greater confidence that you were doing well, or perhaps spark worry that you weren’t?  How did that change your posture, tone of voice, confidence, or even the effectiveness with which you answered their questions?

We’re talking self-fulfilling prophecies here. And research has shown that indeed, changing someone’s behaviour is as easy as expecting them to be different.

Take, for example, a study where men were asked to have a phone call with a woman they had never met. Preceding the call, they received a fake photo of the woman they’d be speaking with. In some cases, the woman was deemed physically unattractive (a 2.5/10) while in others the woman was deemed attractive (an 8/10).

Get this - the men who believed they were speaking to the more beautiful woman rated her as more outgoing and warm following their conversation together. The men who believed they were speaking to the less attractive woman rated her as cold and less outgoing.

Believing that someone has positive attributes is enough to elicit positive behaviours in them. And, it increases the likelihood that we’ll notice the good things about them and evaluate them more positively as a result.

So, as Dr. Mahzarin Banaji from Harvard University says in this enlightening podcast on the subject, we must expect the reality that we want to see.

Take stock of your expectations of the people around you today. How are you raising or lowering the bar when it comes to how people actually perform?

Are you expecting the reality that you want to see?